Day 51

He sits at the computer for the thousandth time that day, and, now compulsively, types in craigslist.   He knows it's a waste of time but it has become such an ingrained mental obsession/habit that he just can't stop.  The free section and the supernatural and psychological section of the forums just call to him. 

He needs to know whether that white, African bird has been adopted yet and see what the psychic trolls are doing to prove their legitimacy.  He can't move on with his day until he sees if anyone has provided any decent advice for the mother of two who was trying to get her husband to stop drinking.  He just can't move on.

He spends more and more time checking on people.  He branches out and starts looking at neighboring communities as well.  You know towns over this way and past that one.  Turns out they also have psychic pissing-contests and tips for saving money.  Reuse bags of pellets or dogfood as trashbags so you don't have to buy trashbags, for example.  It isn't all about dumpster diving.

He clicks and types and clicks and types.  Searches and lurks.  He types a sentence on his resume, then opens a new tab and types in the URL again.  Sees no one has responded to the mom who is worried her son might be drunk driving her new truck tonight. 

Then, for some reason, he clicks away into the pregnancy forum.  It's the first place where people are actually nice to each other.  There are pictures of women's bellies and advice about what is and isn't safe.  They are excited for each other's births.  They're attractive and kind. 

And he wants to be part of it.  He stops clicking on over 50 and queer.  He begins hoping that Vanessa's baby will come today so she won't have to be induced.  He's in Daniela's corner for a VBAC (even though he doesn't know what it is.) 

He checks in on the forum in Seattle and New York to see how Judith and Kelly's (lesbians her egg, her body, donor sperm,) ultrasound went.  A boy!  He collects tips on morning sickness remedies and the best delivery nurses.  And he can't stop.

He needs to know how Melissa's amnio went and whether Sarah got off bedrest at the doctor today.  He wants to tell Tina he knows just how she feels when her husband leaves her at 15 weeks pregnant and give her a big hug and tell her about the single parent group he found when he was on the other forums.

Instead, a few days later, he confesses, screenname DecBabe, "Just took a test and OMG! PoSiTiVe!!!!  When is 35 weeks from now?"

He swears his breasts are getting sore and talks how he already can't wait to eat sushi again. 

He spends his pregnancy buddying up to the single moms and talking about how hard it is to do this without a husband to paint the nursery or help with the groceries.  He talks about the man who approached him outside of planned parenthood and propositioned him and how that wouldn't have happened if he'd jsut had a man in the picture!  He didn't make this baby by himself, after all.

The 35 weeks fly by and he's talking about taking walks and how long the days are.  His feet are swollen and he wishes he could get a massage but he's  got all this responsibility with a maternity leave to cover on his own. 

He goes a week overdue and realizes he has to give birth.  He steals a picture and posts it with a brief story of how he couldn't have known how wonderful it could be until he held tiny Harrison in his arms.  And it was all worth it.