Journal 1

What I've been doing:

I started this blog to challenge myself to just write! Write more! Write faster. Write things I've never written before. And I'm thinking I'll stick with it.

I'm also working on this diet that is really restrictive which is another whole challenge. I like to cook. I don't announce how much usually. I associate liking to cook and being good at cooking with a personality that is NOT mine. I like people like that. LOVE to eat at their houses. I'm just not one of them. I see myself more as a slap-it-together girl. What I like about cooking is the thinking about it part. The part where my mouth imagines tastes together to see if they fit and what would make them fit. The other part I like is having a houseful of people. That's the part that feels like my personality: a houseful of laughter and raucous conversation, where you can say anything. What I like about the diet is that I'm not having processed foods or sweeteners of any kind, which seems good. I like the challenge of figuring out what I can eat and how to make it. I like the conservationist aspect: I'm not buying nearly the amount of packaging and I'm using all my vegetable scraps to make stock to cook in. What I don't like is that I don't know what I'm doing so haven't had the houseful of people part. Oh, and I lost 2 lbs. I'm a healthy weight and technically don't need to lose weight. But I'm a woman and am pretty much always happy to see 2 lbs gone.

I've also been hanging out with my boy a lot. Adoring him. Playing. Snuggling. And OH the reading! There are days where over the course of the day we spend close to two hours reading together. He walks around with Aristotle in his hands because he likes the feel of books. I can't imagine something better than my child loving the feel of books. Wait, except yesterday, when he was holding a book and had a ski helmet on his head, because why wouldn't you walk around the house with a ski helmet and goggles that are ten sizes too big. I love this time with him so much that I've done a shit job getting a real job. And crunch time will be here soon. Before I know it. And I'll have to buckle down and get a job. I don't relish the thought. Maybe I'll win the lottery and won't have to do it. Or someone will randomly say "why you're the perfect person to be a ghost writer for my novel." Such thoughts are my joyful escape.

Here's what I don't like about this blog: the writing's mediocre at best. I don't love putting out there for view when its not worth reading and then asking people to read it anyway. But I need the structure of a blog to hold me to the task of daily writing. I also don't like how negative and dark the writing all is. I feel like it's a cheat. I know dark. I like dark. Its an easy out for a character to die. Its harder for me to write about joy or happiness or deep, positive connection. It's also more meaningful.

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Here's what I like about this blog: I enjoy the time. I like thinking of phrasing. Its forcing me to follow through on ideas that would otherwise be fleeting. I like that this is hard, and that I'm not immediately good at. The things I love most in life, I had to work really hard at in order to keep up with the big kids. I want to be one of the big kids one day.